The Superman
by Ventos
Summary: As Halloween nears, Elaine dates a man trick-or-treating. Jerry dates a chef who won't pronounce 'Superman' properly. R&R!


The Superman

Disclaimer: I do not have the rights to Seinfeld or Superman. Please Rate and Review!

**The Superman**

_October 29th, 1996; Monk's Cafe, 11:13 A.M..._

Jerry and George were, as always, mulling over their lackluster lives at their favorite local diner, Monk's. Jerry was nibbling on an egg-white omelet, while George was just finishing his second piece of peach pie.

"I don't understand why more restaurants don't have peach pie," George complained, talking with a mouth full of pastry.

"It's probably a seasonal thing," Jerry said, setting down his fork. "The season for peaches, even Macanaw ones, is over. Pumpkin pie is in season now."

"Are you kidding?" George said. "Peach pie beats pumpkin pie any day. Eating pumpkin pie is like...eating oatmeal."

"You don't like oatmeal?" Jerry asked.

"Hate it."

"Since when?"

"Since always." Jerry shrugged. Kramer burst through the door to Monk's.

"Hey," Kramer greeted. "I thought Elaine was coming."

"No, she backed out," Jerry explained. "Something about her carpet or something, I don't know. Hey, Kramer, what do you think about pumpkin pie?" Kramer made a sound that resembled a train and a raspberry. "You don't like it?"

"Nah. I'm more of a huckleberry person," Kramer said.

"What about peach pie?" George asked.

"Giddy up," Kramer said, getting up. Just then, Elaine walked through the door.

"I thought you were getting your carpets cleaned," Jerry said. Kramer walked to the bathroom.

"No, I'm dating a carpet cleaner," Elaine clarified.

"That's pretty low," George said. Elaine shot him a dirty look.

"That's coming from someone who lives with his parents," Elaine retorted. George let out a disinterested smile. "Anyway, he never showed up."

"Maybe there was a carpet emergency," Jerry suggested. This time it was Elaine who let out a disinterested smile.

"Anyway, that's the second time he's stood me up," Elaine said.

"Are you gonna continue seeing him?" Jerry asked. Elaine shrugged. "I thought you would."

"So what's the deal with Lola?" George asked, interrupting the conversation.

"Who's Lola?" Elaine asked.

"The latest on Jerry's list of dissatisfied women," George shot.

"That's coming from someone who lives with his parents," Jerry said, mimicking Elaine's words. "Anyway, she's this woman I'm seeing. She's a chef at Mendy's."

"Isn't that where Banya goes?" George asked.

"Yeah," Jerry said, disappointed. "I'm almost afraid to go just because of the possibility that Banya's there."

"So you're not going to Mendy's for the possible, less than one percent chance that Banya's there?" Elaine asked.

After a moment, Jerry said, "Yes. She's actually making me dinner tonight."

"At your house?" Elaine asked.

"Yeah," Jerry responded casually.

George got up. "Anyway, I gotta get back to work. The Yankees' repuataion isn't going to destroy itself. Besides, my lunch break is long over."

"You're not gonna get fired for that?" Jerry asked.

"Steinbrenner doesn't care. Hell, I slept under my desk for a week and he didn't notice."

--

_10/29/96; Jerry's apartment, 5A, 8:04 P.M..._

Jerry reclined in his apartment, his eyes fixed on his most recent Superman comic. The buzzer beeped. Jerry ignored it; he had to finish the last two pages. He couldn't be interrupted. He kept reading. The buzzer beeped again. Jerry kept reading.

The buzzer rang for the fifth time when Jerry finally managed to finish the comic. He sprang up and asked," Who is it?"

"It's Lola," a charming voice returned.

What's cooking?" Jerry asked, proud of his pun.

"What took you so long?" she inquired.

"Lex Luthor isn't going to destroy himself," Jerry said, buzzing her up. In a few moments, Lola entered the room with a bag of groceries. She set the bag down on Jerry's counter, and unloaded it. There were two steaks, a few potatoes, and some vegetables. She went to open the door and stopped.

"I like your magnet," she remarked, opening the fridge.

"Which one?" Jerry asked.

"The one of the Superman," she answered. Jerry paused for a moment, furrowing his brow.

"The one of _what_?"

"The Superman," she said. She turned to look at Jerry, who held a perplexed look on his face. "What is it?"

"It's not _the_ Superman," Jerry corrected her. "It's just Superman."

"No, it's _the_ Superman," she persisted. "Just like _the_ Batman."

"Whoa," Jerry said. "Batman is on a totally different level than Superman. He doesn't even come close."

"I know," Lola said. "The Superman's lame." Jerry froze with contempt.

"Superman is _not_ lame," he said definitively.

"He is too," Lola argued. "The Batman and the Spider-man are all better than the Superman." Jerry's eyes filled with rage.

"Get out!" Jerry yelled, his voice rising beyond his usual comedic pitch.

--

_10/30/96; Monk's Cafe, 10:36 A.M..._

"So you broke up with her because she wouldn't drop the 'the' in Superman?" George asked again.

"Would you break up with someone if they called me, 'The Jerry'? 'The Kramer'? 'The George'? 'The Steinbrenner'?"

"I guess you have a point," George admitted. "But Batman is called, '_The_ Batman'."

"I guess he could be called either," Jerry allowed. "But '_the_ Superman' is too much." Elaine walked into Monk's as Jerry got up. "I'm going to check my messages." Jerry walked to the back of the diner.

"Get this," she said, stealing Jerry's seat. "Dylan is dressing up for Halloween."

"Who's Dylan?"

"The carpet cleaner."

"Oh."

"Oh is right. And get this: he's trick-or-treating too."

"A grown man trick-or-treating?" George said, confused.

"A grown man trick-or-treating," Elaine repeated, aghast. "I can't see someone like that." Jerry walked back and sat next to Elaine, motioning for her to relinquish Jerry's rightful seat.

"Lola apologized," Jerry said. "She wants me to meet her at Mendy's tonight."

"Are you gonna go?" George asked.

"I don't know; I guess I have to."

"What happened?" Elaine asked.

"Jerry broke up with her because she wouldn't call Superman '_The_ Superman'."

"Huh," Elaine said. "Guess what: Dylan is dressing up for Halloween. And he's trick-or-treating too."

"Who's Dylan?" Jerry asked.

"Elaine's carpet cleaning boyfriend," George supplemented.

"Ah," Jerry said. "He's really trick-or-treating?"

"Yeah," Elaine said.

"Wow," Jerry said. "I didn't know it was allowed."

--

_10/30/96; Mendy's, 8:02 P.M..._

Jerry walked into Mendy's and immediately noticed Lola talking to someone in a grey suit.

"Oh, hi Jerry," Lola said. The man in the grey suit turned around; it was Kenny Banya.

"Hey Jerry," Banya said enthusiastically.

"You two know each other?" Lola asked Jerry.

"_You_ two know each other?" Jerry asked Lola.

"Yeah," Lola said. "Kenny and I are good friends."

"If I may ask," Jerry began, pausing a moment. "_Why_?"

"He's funny," Lola said.

"I'm funny, Jerry," Banya said.

"Well isn't that just something," Jerry remarked. "You know, I'm not feeling too well. I think I should just be getting back home."

"How about we meet you at your home tomorrow at eight?" Lola asked. "Banya and his girlfriend offered to double date with us." Jerry paused, searching for an excuse.

"Well...isn't that just something," Jerry repeated. "I should be going now."

--

_10/31/96 Halloween; Elaine's apartment, 7:36 P.M..._

Jerry burst into Elaine's apartment. "I need somewhere to stay, and fast," he said, noticing Elaine was on her couch watching some scary movie.

"What? What's going on?"

"Lola wants me to double date with Banya. We met Banya at Mendy's. I need somewhere to go for a few hours."

"What about George's?"

"George is at some holiday party for the Yankees."

"Kramer?"

"Too close to me."

"Monk's?" Jerry shrugged. "Right, too close to you," Elaine said. "Well now's not a good time."

"Why not?" Jerry asked.

"Dylan's supposed to meet me here any minute. I'm breaking up with him."

"Good call," Jerry said, just as the buzzer beeped.

"That's him," Elaine said. "It's too late," she added, buzzing him up.

"You know what you should've done," Jerry suggested. "You should've stood _him_ up."

"Too late," Elaine said as the door opened. There, dressed in red and blue tights and a red cape, was Dylan.

"You like it?" Dylan said, pointing to the giant S on his chest. "I'm the Superman!"

Jerry was fuming. "**It's just Superman!!**"


End file.
